Love is spelled T.I.M.E

She left the comment on my Facebook picture. This picture:

 It said, "Love is spelled T.I.M.E"

It was profound to me. It spoke to where I have been lately.

Two young ladies, mature young ladies, they were having fun. They were including the little girls (can't find my pic of them all) and wondering how in the world we got our hair so big in the 80's. My honey told them they looked good, but that "Momma could do the big hair, back in the day, she did it the best." :) (The kids think its funny when he refers to me as Momma and I call him Daddy...who would have ever thought...)

We were making TIME for the kids to spend together because life is getting so busy, and there are so many happy things coming up, but that will also mean that we don't get to spend much time together. My friend and I sat and talked about the passing of time. How the girls have grown so fast. How we thanked God for more little ones because by the time you come to know how fast children grow, well, they are grown. We talked about homeschooling and how much of a blessing it is. How we never thought it would be what it is. About how losing that idea of "school at home" was the greatest gift and how we still, after all of these years, felt like we could still improve some things. You see, though, while you are planning and reading and learning all of these wonderful philosophies that you want to incorporate into your home, children are growing. There is no pause or rewind. Time is unrelenting sometimes and this momma wants to scream and make it stop so I can get it all together then press the "go" button when I am good and ready.  I want my vision in my head to be our reality, but there was no time to learn this before the children came.

This has been a learn as you go way.
Life.
Only one go at it.
Make the most of it!

No one told me that I would have Charlotte Mason dreams. No one told me that I would desire to cook three meals a day, teach phonics for years, clean up what will become a mess again tomorrow, learn hard-for-me math right along with my kids.

Everyone dreams glamorous dreams..... Then I come to see that this life is my glamorous life. What could be more glamorous then shaping souls and being adored by your children and loved unconditionally by the man who you fell in love while he was still  a boy?

So, you come to see the battle against time. How do you use that time? Do you win hearts or become a slave to educational and cultural ideas that are all failing? You only have so many days before that little baby is an adult and you have to let go. I know, moms of toddlers, it seems never ending, but it's not.  I guess what has brought this all so heavy on me is that my oldest is on the brink of 18. It has freaked me out. Period. She is fine. She wants to stay here and study more. She loves home. She has never said, " I am outta here as soon as I hit 18."  My husband tells me all of the time, when I feel so unlovable,  "You just don't see how your kids adore you. They love and care for you more than anything I've ever seen." Why can't I see that? I am working hard at living life from that truth instead of the lie that says I have messed up. 

So here is a little note to myself:

When the little one interrupts cooking with "Mom! Look!"  Melanie, look, smile and praise them.

When the young man want to show you what is fascinating him, be it gross, Melanie, look, listen, get excited with him.

When the 17 year old begs you to read The Scarlet Letter with her so that you can talk about it. Melanie, read it.....that is what those books you are reading now are trying to tell you anyway.... be with her, now!

When the little ones have drug out every dress-up dress and have red lipstick everywhere, take pictures and hug them, kiss them. Dance around like a princess with them.

When it is night time, Melanie, please, take the time to speak gently with them all instead of declaring how it is late and you are tired and to GO TO SLEEP!

Time is moving so fast. It wasn't long ago that Jessie was Janie's age and oh how I didn't know anything about how time can rob you. Like my favorite book, One Thousand Gifts, says:

“When I fully enter time’s swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here.” 

And she also writes this: “Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing.... Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away.”  -Ann Voskamp

My goal is to teach them well through the gate of their heart. If I give them all knowledge and lose their heart. I have failed.

Capturing those hearts take TIME.

Be in the moment today, with gratitude, you will never get today back. How will they remember this day?